How to Procrastinate

by Lauren Daby

Have you ever wondered how to procrastinate? Although it may seem difficult there are
some simple ways to achieve this ultimate state of sloth.
Step One: Never set an alarm. If you wake up early in the morning, you are way more
likely to actually accomplish something, but if you are able to sleep all day you will never be
tempted to do anything.
Step Two: Buy an Ipod Touch or some other compatible appliance. These really cool
devices will waste hours of your day, and you will have nothing to show for it. Make sure to
download lots of apps. These free-time consumers are addicting and will definitely help your
real life skills unlike that boring homework assignment that will never help you in the real
world!
Step Three: Buy Netflix. With millions of TV shows and movies at the tip of your fingers,
there is no way you will be tempted to move from that ever so comfy couch to do some
pointless house work.
Step Four: Delete all Email accounts you may hold. Without your boss constantly
reminding you of important dates and other junk that you don’t care about, you’ll be able to
spend more time on activities!
Step Five:  things done, you will feel a new found sense of freedom and accomplishment, without
actually doing anything.
Step Six: Take at least one nap a day. You’ve already done a lot of time wasting today
so you must be exhausted! This nap will not only revitalize your energy, but also take away
more time from you day. The less time you have in a day, the less you get done.
*Step Seven: Never, under any circumstances, write a to-do list. If you have any, burn
them because they are just a constant reminder of what other people think you should be
doing. Everyone should be original and you should never follow the crowd. Be unique and
don’t follow the trends. If you want to sleep all day, do it! If you want to play Temple Run,
Angry Birds, or even Doodle Jump all night long, go for it.
Procrastination may seem tricky at first, but once you master it, it will be impossible to
stop. Being lazy will be like second nature to you. Just imagine all the things you will never
have to do again! Stop waiting and start procrastinating today!